Donovan Banks

The Starer – This is the person who saunters up really close to where you are playing and tries to take in everything without blinking. He/She will walk slowly back and forth across the front of the stage, or round the sides too if it is clear and will glare at every piece of gear on the stage. They only glance at you; the musician and try avoid eye contact. They may get a blank look on their face and their mouth may start to fall open. This is not a sign of awe but more a sign of complete brain shut down. The Starer is harmless but needs to be watched in case they turn out to be a crazy fanatic who thinks you are Elvis reincarnated and is looking for a souvenir to snatch and run away with. Keep an eye on this one.

The Drunk Dancer – This one may appear to be really enjoying the music and embarrassing themselves on the dance floor. They do provide the band with some entertainment as well but may easily turn into the requester or the wannabe-member. Look, smile and enjoy the person who is enjoying you making music.

The Requester – This is the person who hangs around one of the members mid song. They usually target the most accessible, or the most accessible looking member. As the song finishes they pounce and make a request for Elvis, the Beatles, Dire Straits or Wonderful Tonight. If you can fulfill the request then do so if you wish. Always be polite but if they request something you hate playing, ask for all requests to be written on a R200 note. This generally gets them to leave you alone but it may just score you an extra R200.

The Visiting Muso – To me these can be either really encouraging or a massive pain in the butt. He tends to stand somewhere he thinks is inconspicuous but you can spot him a mile away. He stands leaned against a wall or railing with his hands in his pockets or arms folded. He will watch the member who plays the same instrument as him. One has to particularly worry when this one is part requester. He has the potential to approach a member and request the song he finds most difficult to play. When you say no, he will retort with, “Oh, I can play that.” Or, “Real musicians don’t need sheet music.” Or some snide remarks that will make you want to moer him with your instrument. If you are a musician watching a band, smile. Look approachable and happy to be watching the band. Remember the person on stage is just like you and could use encouragement and positive reinforcement whether they are better or worse than you.

The Wannabe Member – She is the person who wants to sing a song. Part requester and usually inebriated this person suddenly gets the courage and talent and wants to be part of your band. My view is to not oblige these people. Politely say, “We have a rehearsed system and we’ll only make you look bad.” Or something else nice but firm. If you do allow them on stage, they could either be really bad in which case you have potentially made the most popular person in the bar look stupid making a few enemies, or they could be really good and make you look bad.

The Interrupter – The interrupter is usually one of the above but with no manners. They will approach a band member mid song, yes, while you are playing or singing and want to engage you in conversation. I have lost count how many times this has happened to me. This is a result of trying to interact with your audience. If you sense he is about to approach you employ the cold shoulder, if you are standing. The Cold Shoulder is deployed by turning your back on the person. If they approach you from behind they will have to make physical contact now which is unlikely. If you are sitting, then the death stare should help but is not very effective. You’re on your own.